Numb

Well…this is the last post this year. I don’t want to make any more promises or wishes for the next year…I know if I do that, usually I don’t do anything about it later. I just hope I will be as numb as these last months..That’s my only wish for next year. And I hope that all the people I love will be ok, first of all healthy, and than…at least from time to time happy…

Farewell

When you break the last part of what was left, you can’t expect on anything else than just the end. You are right, this wasn’t only a war declaration, it was THE WAR.
I can actually feel that disappointment from here, even if it’s hard to believe that. It’s palpable. Yes, you should never say never, but I think this time it’s a „Never” indeed. And I am really sorry for that. I never wanted all of that to end this way. I never wanted an end, but especially not one like this. Even if I’m conscious that you can’t have a nice end… I guess I just hoped we would always be friends. Despite everything, despite all that history. I guess I just wasn’t realistic. I was a dreamer, from the beginning to the end. And now all the dreams are gone. I’m just not allowed to dream at all.
I still don’t know how I will manage to go on, knowing that I caused all this, that it’s all my fault. I will never forgive myself. Even if I know that there wasn’t much left…we still could have kept in touch. But not now, not after all that happened.
I just wish I could erase that stain from you’re head. I can’t get over the thought that that’s all you will think when you will remember me. I wish I could search you, in some years. But I don’t think that’s possible at all. I am and will always be now the black sheep. Too bad for me…
I would like to thank you for the last minutes of hearing you playing the guitar. I will miss that a lot. I will miss everything, anyway…
Farewell…